uhmm.. are we in the recession?

 

You still have a job?

 

WMD

 

Where the economy go?

 

Nobel Prize 2008

Old man and the sea

"Sinking Ship"

Rescue

 

Broker

 

Filed under: Jokes , broker, Cartoon, economy, funny, job, Jokes, nobel, recession, rescue

Lets don’t get too seriously (please)..

Funny jokes from a beautiful woman. Enjoy..

Bono and guitarist the Edge are in a plane crash and end up standing in front of God, who is seated on his giant white throne. God asks them the same question. First, he turns to the Edge. “Edge, tell me what you believe in.” He responds, “I believe in Gibson guitars and in the fact that the world would be a much better place if we were alive to make more U2 records.” God tells the Edge to take a seat at his right. “Now it’s your turn, Bono,” God says. “What do you believe in?” Bono replies, “I believe you’re sitting in my seat.” — Sharin Foo, the Raveonettes.

One night a man rolls over in bed, giving his wife a big grin. She says, “Not tonight, honey. I have a gynecologist’s appointment tomorrow. I want to stay fresh and clean.” The man, feeling rejected, rolls over and tries to go to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls over again and asks his wife, “Do you have a dentist’s appointment tomorrow?” — A joke from the Spider-Man and CSI: NY actress: Vanessa Verlito.

A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “Quick, pour me 12 drinks.” So the bartender pours him 12 shots, and the guy starts shooting them back really fast, one after another. The bartender says to the guy,”Boy, you’re drinking those really fast.” The guy says, “Well, you would be drinking really fast, too, if you had what I’ve got.” The bartender says, “What’ve you got?” The guy says, “Seventy-five cents.” —Natacha Regnier, The Belgian movie star

Jorge and Ernesto are talking one afternoon when Jorge tells Ernesto, “I believe I’m ready for a holiday. Only this year I’ll do it differently. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago, you said to go to Paris. I went to Paris and Carolina got pregnant. Then two years ago, you told me to go to Rome, and Carolina got pregnant again. Last year you suggested Greece. And my Carolina? Pregnant again!” So Ernesto asks Jorge, “Then what are you going to do differently this year? Go somewhere less romantic?” Jorge says, “No. This year I’m taking Carolina with me.” —Like any sexy Spaniard, Leonor Watling smokes cigarettes and sings in a band, the names of which are Marlboro and Marlango, respectively. She is star of Talk to Her.

A blond goes into an electronics store and asks, “How much is this TV?” The salesman says, “Sorry, we don’t sell to blonds.” So she dyes her hair and comes back as a brunette. “How much is this TV?” she asks. Again the salesman says, “I’m sorry, we don’t sell to blonds.” A few weeks later she goes in as a redhead, but again he announces, “We don’t sell to blonds!” Finally she says, “My hair is red. How did you know I was really a blond?” The salesman says, “Because it’s not a TV. It’s a microwave.” —Jennifer Esposito is best known for playing a saucy secretary onSpin City, but since accompanying a friend on an audition (stealing it, naturally), she has appeared in 20 films, including last year’s Taxi.

A guy goes to the supermarket, and a beautiful woman smiles at him and says hello. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place how he knows her. So he asks, “Do you know me?” The woman says, “I think you’re the father of one of my kids.” His mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife, and he says, “My God! Are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery!?” She looks into his eyes and calmly says, “No, I’m your son’s math teacher.” —Noemie Lenoir, stars in Rush Hour 3.

This woman walks into a bar, and she has the hairiest armpits in the history of armpits. She sits down, raises her arm, and says, “Bartender, I would like a drink.” There’s an old drunk sitting next to her. Slurring, he says, “Barkeep, I would like to buy the ballerina a drink.” She accepts, drinks it, raises her arm again to get the bartender’s attention, and orders another. The old man says, “Barkeep, you just keep giving the ballerina anything she wants.” Finally, the bartender goes over to the drunk and says, “Sir, that’s nice of you, but how do you know she’s a ballerina?” The old man answers, “Son, you don’t get to be my age without learning that only ballerinas can lift their legs that high.” —Anne Hathaway, The star of The Devil Wears Prada

One day a little boy wrote to Santa Claus, “Please send me a sister.” Santa Claus wrote him back, “Okay, send me your mother.” —Tamara Feldman, The Dirty Sexy Money actress.

Why should all hurricanes be named after women? When they arrive, they’re wet and wild, and when they leave, they take your house and car. —Kristin Kreuk, The Smallville star.

One night, on a camping trip, Sherlock Holmes wakes up Watson and says, “Look at the stars. What do you deduce?” Watson thinks for a minute and says, “Well, I see millions of stars, many of which resemble our sun, which most likely have their own planets, which most likely have life-forms like us, so I deduce that there is life on other planets.” And Sherlock says, “No, you idiot, someone’s stolen our tent.” —Olivia Wilde, The House.

 

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Excerpted from Esquire Magazine.

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